In my work as a therapist, I've noticed that the relationship problems that my clients come in with often boil down to problems in communication. Well, this is not an amazing revelation, but what I noticed is that people don't know what to do to fix the communication breakdown.
I've developed a very simple formula for my clients to use and I've been amazed at how universal and how successful it is. When consistently applied, it never fails. And I'm going to share it with you.
Step 1 - Figure out what you feel
Step 2 - Figure out what you need from the other person
Step 3 - Communicate both of these things as clearly as you possibly can
Step 4 - Observe the other person's reaction and listen to what they say
Step 5 - Repeat
(note: the results of Steps 1 and 2 may be different when repeated as a result of a properly executed Step 4, which is why repeating for a few cycles is so important)
It may sound overly simple but that's part of what makes it useful. When things get emotional, as they often do in our important relationships, and you feel stuck, you can refer to this simple easy-to-remember formula. Like I said, it always works.
